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diff --git a/site/src/certified.page b/site/src/certified.page deleted file mode 100644 index 46c3459..0000000 --- a/site/src/certified.page +++ /dev/null @@ -1,63 +0,0 @@ ---- -title: Certified -inMenu: true -directoryName: Certified ---- -h1. Get Mongrel Certified! - -I'm not one to be overpowered by the great ideas of other open source projects. -But, the second I smell cash to be had from hapless tools using my software I am THERE! Once I -read "the CakePHP Certification plans":http://www.cakefoundation.org/pages/certification -I thought, "Holy crap, I could make more money than Don King's ring finger doing that!" - -After much deliberation with absolutely nobody, I am proud to announce the -official *Mongrel Ultimate Deployment Certified Rails Aptitude Program(tm)(sm)(patent pending)*. - -The only certification you need to get that cushy job making developers beg you -for system administration services while you surf porn instead of doing your -real job. Nothing says "professionalism" more than having MUDCRAP-CE after your -name. - -Start now and even you could append up to *nine* (yes nine!) letters -after your name and get a guaranteed pay raise or that great job without know *anything* -other than how to tell other people how to pronounce your particular certification acronym. - -Prices are also very high, since your manager knows that the cost of a certification -program directly relates to its quality. The more you spend the more you show management -that you're a team player. No, a MUDCRAP Team Player! - - -h2. How To Get That Cert! - -MUDCRAP certification involves intensive training courses from me (Zed A. Shaw) the creator of Mongrel. -I am only available at specific conferences and will only teach a select chosen few -MUDCRAPers per conference. Each set of courses trains the prospective MUDCRAPer in: - -* Defending your job with claims of "security", "scalability", and "capability" -just like the Enterprise guys. -* Inventing performance numbers for fun and profit. Nothing lies better than complex well crafted -statistics. Learn to use them to compete with other people's fake statistics. -* Using the new OSX virtual desktop features to hide your chosen fetish porn while you work. -* Inventing your very own security policies to do even less work. Management has entrusted -you with managing the systems, and that means you get to set the policies everyone follows. Use -this power to make your life easier. -* Avoiding automating your system administration job so that you always have something to pretend -working on. -* Blaming *developers* for your mistakes. *EXTRA* This course now covers -using complex permissioning systems and shared directories to "protect" your servers from -the developers while actually only protecting your job. -* Unlearning everything you probably didn't know about Configuration Management and collaboration. -Nobody needs you to cooperate when you're the *king of the kingdom*. - -And this is just a few of the great lessons awaiting you in these wonderful classes. - -h2. Ordering Information - -E-mail zedshaw at zedshaw.com to reserve a seat. The next class is at RubyConf and will -only seat 10 people. That's how dedicated I am to the quality of my courses. You -will leave my course feeling confident, empowered, and capable enough to avoid learning anything -ever again for at least 10 years. - -Act now to become the first MUDCRAPer! Seats are filling fast! - - |